dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize