I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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