well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
