I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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