You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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