You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
