am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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