i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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