What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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