I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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