u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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