Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize