I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
