Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
