is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
