Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
