My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
