If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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