After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We smell like vodka and hangover
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