He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
