No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
