I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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