I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
