Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
