Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They are going to name an STD after you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
