You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
