I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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