Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
