I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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