Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
