"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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