We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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