Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize