My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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