You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
