ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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