My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
