Whod you bang
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
