Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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