Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
