Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
