I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize