ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
