i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
