Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
