Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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