i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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