I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
