My hand turned me down
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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