Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
