I can't watch pbs sober anymore
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
