we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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