The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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