I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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