What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
