So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize