you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
