So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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