Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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