hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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