I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
