Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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