How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
