so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I looked at my own cervix.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
