That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
