Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
