he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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