is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
