I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
