I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
