my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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