So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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