don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
