Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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