He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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