I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
