between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
