you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
