My entire life is one complicated drinking game
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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