Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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