Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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