four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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