I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
