Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
