i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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