Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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