therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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