We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
