That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
