Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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