Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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