just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
