he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
