i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
