i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Vodka?
Forever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
