Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
