I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
