if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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