So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
