now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
